However, by the time I hit high school I knew what I REALLY wanted to be- a mommy. In high school I had a teacher tell me that was a waste of my talents, and it made picking a major in college very difficult...how do you pick what to study for 4 years when you ultimately want to be a full time mother?
A couple months after Jared and I started dating we went to see his brother's baby in the hospital right after he was born. Watching Jared hold that tiny body so gently, I knew he would someday make a terrific dad. It was then that I KNEW he was who I wanted to raise my children with.
2 years ago this month, Jared and I decided it was time to start our family. It was that same summer when I witnessed a friend struggle to have a child. I remember having a conversation with Jared where I said I would NEVER be able to handle that trial, I was definitely not strong enough. Well, I guess Heavenly Father decided to prove me wrong.
The past 2 years have been hard, to say the least. I have discovered you can actually cry so hard your heart literally hurts. However, as painful as it has been, we have learned so many valuable lessons:
We have learned how strong we are as a team. I have heard that an experience like this many times pulls a couple apart. Fortunately, the opposite is true for us- we have become so much stronger. I think some of the sweetest moments we have had occurred because of this trial. There have been so many nights when we have laid in bed, Jared with his arms around me while I cry- I hope I never forget how comforting that is.
We have learned we can be happy for other people's blessings (although Jared is much better at it)- and not to "measure" God's love for us with blessings. Others are not more loved than us just because they receive a blessing we are still waiting for.
I have learned to overcome physical fears. I have learned that when you want something enough, nothing can stand in your way... not even an irrational fear of needles. I can now proudly say I have given myself a shot in the stomach- tough stuff, huh?
Finally, and probably most importantly, we have learned to rely more fully on the Lord. I know that Heavenly Father has strengthened us throughout this trial and eased our pain. He has not left us to deal with this alone.
During October's General Conference we were having an especially hard time. Elder Condie gave a talk, and we both felt like he was speaking directly to us. While speaking of Rachel's inability to bear a child, he said "In this age of one-hour dry cleaning and one-minute fast-food franchises, it may at times seem to us as though a loving Heavenly Father has misplaced our precious promises or He has put them on hold or filed them under the wrong name. Such were the feelings of Rachel. But with the passage of time, we encounter four of the most beautiful words in holy writ: “And God remembered Rachel. And she was blessed with the birth of Joseph and later the birth of Benjamin"....When heaven’s promises sometimes seem afar off, I pray that each of us will embrace these exceeding great and precious promises and never let go. And just as God remembered Rachel, God will remember you."
I wanted to do this in a cutesier way, but I have had so many emotions running through me as I sat down to write this. God has remembered us! In December we will be welcoming our long awaited miracle baby into our home. We are so excited and feel so incredibly blessed. We also realize this is mainly new news to people living far away, since I have been looking pretty pregnant for awhile now- thank you fertility treatments for making my ovaries HUGE! I will post some belly pictures as soon as I find the camera cord.
We had another appointment today (week 13) and everything looks great. Here are some pictures from today's photo shoot (sorry so many, we are just so excited he or she no longer looks like an alien).