Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The joys of apartment living!

Dear Neighbors,

I know we don't know each other very well. We have met only a few times, but you all seem very nice. I really can't complain. HOWEVER, I do feel the need to make a few suggestions.

Neighbors across the hall: I commend you (the wife) on making dinner every single night for your husband. I am sure he appreciates the love it shows. I think Jared would probably be a little (read: VERY) jealous of your dedication if the smell of your cooking did not bring tears to our eyes (and more recently, make me throw up). Might I suggest you explore spices other than curry? Possibly something that does not sting the nostrils? Also, remember, take out every once in awhile does not make you a bad wife...and it makes you a much more loved neighbor.

Also, I like your dog very much. He seems very friendly. Unfortunately, I think maybe a smaller breed would be more appropriate for your living arrangements. If you have to let your dog run rampant in the hallways of the complex a few times a day, it may be a sign he is a bit too big for small quarters. Sometimes I like to let my child walk to and from the elevator, and it would be nice not to have to scoop her up quickly as your huge dog runs full speed at us.

I also am not a fan of his constant barking. If he wakes my kid up from one more nap, drastic measures may need to be taken!

Neighbors next door: I haven't had the pleasure of meeting either of you. I understand one of you is a pretty recent addition to the apartment. I would appreciate if you guys could come up with a better system for locking your doors. Maybe you should remove the deadbolt so the other roommate doesn't have to pound on the door in the middle of the night to be let in. Please see me if you need any other suggestions...I come up with many creative solutions in the middle of the night when I am awakened by your banging on the door!



Ami said...

Now is this the neighbor that attempted to hit on us and then abruptly ended the conversation when you mentioned your husband?! Let me tell you the joys of 'house neighbors'. Apparently one of ours murders cats and has threatened to kill children! It just keeps getting better!

Kristin and Mike Jenson said...

BAH HAHAHA!!! This is awesome!! Your poor darling...

AMY!!! This is crazy.. you need to get a freaking (pardon my 'mormon') restraining order. He could be an escaped convict (watch the final episode of Numbers this season.)

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhh the curry in that hallway. I can relate my friend. I'm so, SO sorry!