Sunday, July 11, 2010

Terrified!

Today I FINALLY realized we are moving (I know, about time Lindsey!)...and it hit me like a ton of bricks right in the face. The part that absolutely kills me is thinking about all the life changes that are about to strike one very unsuspecting 19 month old girl.

I have been so consumed with the finding a home, finding an OB, timing everything pregnancy-wise, etc. that I didn't really consider the fact that we are about to rock Kerrigan's world.

Feel free to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but today has been incredibly emotional as I have realized the implications of this move for her.

Just recently, she has started to develop her own friendships. If I say we are going to go play with her friends, she excitedly asks for, "Dew, Kate Kate, Ebeee?" I know she will make more friends in Boise, but she will be leaving the first friendships she ever formed behind.

We also have friends out here that have been constants in her life since the day she was born. She adores our friends, and they absolutely love her. A month ago she began remembering names, and has started to get very excited when she knows they are coming over. I think the relationships she feels with our friends have recently grown from "I know you, I feel safe with you" to a deeper trust, love and the desire to spend time with them.

Essentially our friends out here have been our family while we have lived across the country from any relatives. It makes me sad for myself to think about leaving those friendships (only physically, of course), but breaks my heart that no matter how hard I try to explain moving, she won't understand why she won't see them anymore.

I have to repeat to myself over and over, "This has always been the plan. We were always going to move back west eventually. It is better to do now then when she is in school. I want her to know her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. She WILL adjust. This is where we are supposed to go."

However, I still feel like I am tearing her away from every source of stability (except Jared and I) that she has ever known...her friends, her home, her "aunts and uncles".

Add a new sibling to the mix, and I am terrified of what these next few months are going to do to my baby girl!

Sorry for this blubbery post, I needed an outlet and possibly someone to tell me I am not going to ruin my child like I kind of feel like I am about to do!

5 comments:

Heidi Joncas said...

Kids are resilient. Don't stress too much. I don't think it will be a piece of cake but she will be fine. She is loved, and she knows it. That is what really matters.

Erin said...

Lindsey, I totally get your fears. Ellie's one-year-old cousin (and bff) moved away for the summer to sell alarm systems and Ellie still remembers and asks "Where's Lorin?" They do remember at that age, but they still don't feel the pain that we feel when we move away from people we are close to. You are DEFINITELY NOT screwing up your kid long-term. Yes, it will be an adjustment, but she will get through it. My first thought was exactly what Heidi said... Kids are resilient. You will have a much harder time with it than she will I'm sure. Hang in there Lindsey! This will be such a roller coast for your family. Just make sure to really enjoy all of the highs and that will help you get through those lows.

Kristin and Mike Jenson said...

So I think the reality that you guys are moving just hit me to and now I'm a little weepy. Luckily the kitty-puppies are comforting me :)

CJ Sime said...

This won't help your blubbering. when we moved to Chicago, Paisley was 3. She still breaks down in sobs because she doesn't get to see her grandma at least once a week.

I hope K doesn't do that. it is heartbreaking.

GOOD LUCK!!!

Merry said...

So, I don't have any experience, but I think that your difficulties are going to be more in the short-term. It will probably be a rough adjustment, but she won't hold it against you!