Sunday, November 15, 2009

Getting Old

A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a friend about clothing choice, during which I was informed that the reason I didn't feel the need to dress more "adult" was because I was already old (those weren't the exact words, just the basic concept).


The initial response was shock and disbelief. I thought of all the people who have told me I look too young to be married, not to mention all the comments and looks I got while pregnant. Then I realized I really hadn't heard that in awhile...almost year to be more specific.



Since then I have looked at myself a little closer every time I pass a mirror. Have I really aged that much in the past year? What could have caused such an abrupt end to my youthful appearance?


I am starting to see now what I think my subconscious has been hiding from me, fearing I would be unable to deal with it.


My once carefully styled hair is now quickly thrown into a ponytail, and bits of food somehow get entangled in it, occasionally going undetected for hours at a time.


My wardrobe, which used to be a priority, has taken the backseat and is now looking fairly pathetic.


My rule of never leaving the house without makeup has been broken on numerous occasions.


Bags under my eyes have formed from the nights I lie awake in bed.


The places of my body that were once thin and tight have been replaced by bulges and literally fallen victim to gravity.




What is the cause of all this?


I believe it has a LITTLE something to do with this:



Motherhood is such a unique experience. My outer appearance has definitely changed as I have taken on this new role. I have most assuredly aged.


However, I see something everyone else may not see.


I see the messy haired, nude faced woman in a t-shirt and jeans who would rather help her child practice walking than spend that extra 30 minutes in front of the mirror.


The bags under my eyes remind me of the nights I lie awake thinking of ways to be a better mother and wife. I see the late nights I spend silently praying for peace as I think of raising my children in this world.


The joy I have discovered as I have found my true place in the world as a mother has translated into "smile" wrinkles around my mouth and eyes.


The new shape of my body links me to all women who have sacrificed tight buns and abs to become a mother.


So to the world, I may just look haggard. Luckily, while looking more closely at myself these past couple of weeks than I ever have, I have discovered a new sort of beauty.


I can honestly say I have never felt so beautiful.

16 comments:

Jace and Kasey said...

You have just summed up everything that I feel about the situation!! man ol man!!

The Helvig Familiy said...

Very profound! Your daughter is so lucky to have such an incredible mom. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

kelly said...

thank you my dear. truer words on the subject could not have been spoken.

Joe n' Shay said...

Love it, amazing.

Jason and Kelsey said...

oh you made me cry! that was so sweet!

RaCHELLE HuRD said...

aaaw, love this post! i have been feeling this same way the last few weeks, and it was great to hear it from someone else. i thought to myself: have i entirely let myself go?!? anyway, you look great! i love the pic of you and K! being a mother is amazing, and nothing could be better!

Ginny said...

i think you are still so gorgeous! motherhood is such a blessing!!! I am loving it, and I loved your post!! well written...i always love reading your blog anyways :)

Dustin and Erin Watson said...

I love this post! I feel the same way. People haven't told me how young I look for a long time either. I guess I look my age now! haha

Erin said...

I feel like copying this post to my blog! It's so true!...However, I still think you look beautiful, but I know what you mean. I get excited if I have time to put on mascara :)

The Russell 4 said...

Motherhood is beautiful, you are beautiful and young. You could be a mother of a 20 year old and a two year old. It is still beauty at its best.

Aubri said...

This, my dear, is why I love and miss you. You're a genius, and you're wonderful. :-)

Lori said...

You girls are super beautiful!! I am so glad to see that you're doing so well!

Rodrigues said...

What a perfect post. Love it!

Adriane said...

Beautiful words.....

You've always reminded me the most of Grandma Wilkins...sweet, gentle, patient, funny, selfless, and naturally beautiful without a stitch of make-up. Thanks for sharing the post :)

JT and Lizzie Davis said...

Such a sweet and amazing post! I loved reading your feelings about motherhood and beauty.

Kara, Garrick, Rylee and Jadyn said...

Ditto!
I really have nothing else to say that hasn't been said! Love the post Lindsey!